Not sure how to start this off. I've been very upset with how my life is going right now. I found out my ex girlfriend is a shotacon and it's really fucking me up, like, imagine sadly going through your exes twitter after a breakup out of frustration and longing and all the other break up emotions to find they read shota porn. Are we serious. What the actual fuck man. I have never been so disgusted with anyone in so long and that disgust grows back onto me considering I dated her. She always would defend proshipping in a way but never to that extreme. The only thing I could ever get behind was toxic/abusive fictional ships if they are both adults, since most mirror BDSM-type relationships or just taboo relationships. Ever since she got into that fucking yaoi game shit she got worse I wish she got into it before we dated like she wanted to because I would of dodged 100 bullets.
I hate so many things about her now its insane there is little to like, I don't even know why I liked her anymore. I wish I didnt even meet her again. Lets see.. She was a big misandrist and that kind of expanded onto me, she told me my self harm made her self harm worse, she guilt tripped me twice for calling my friends without inviting her, would get mad at my friends for not giving her attention whilst she intruppted everyone like YOU are the problem. She tries to put herself on a pedistal saying she is special and she thinks for herself but twitter kind of dictates her life and how she acts. You are not a fundamentally better person for not being on tiktok everyday, you just want to feel like you are better.
I wish I stood up to her and disagreed when I did. I was kind of scared of her at some point. I was scared to stand up considering how dramatic and full of herself she would be, I didn't want to upset her and possibly make things worse for her, like causing more self harm or something. Apart of me feels pity for her, I cannot imagine being so unhuman and disgusting. I do not care how fictional the stories you read are, that WILL affect you in real life. It affected you with me with the abusive ships to the point I just couldn't speak up for myself and bascially wanted to kill myself because of you without even realizing it. However, I don't think I was perfect either. I shouldn't of been a yes man so often and I should of been less naive and more set in my own opinions, I think that navitiy made me just as bad on some occasions. My friend told me him and my other friends thought I was a proshipper because of her, I couldn't sleep after being told that. I'm just glad she broke up with me and didn't lead me on more then she did.
To even add onto that she told me "I've been feeling this way subconciously since march!" Are we serious. that just sounds like "i felt like this since march but was lying to myself because I didn't want to believe it." Lying to yourself still contributes to lying to me, it just makes it more complicated for both people. I just hope she takes accountibility for how she is, no matter how much I might hate her right now she was my best friend for years beforehand. I knew her, I watched her go down hill. I wish we never became friends again after the first fight, but I still think it had good in a way. I just hope she changes, we don't need more disgusting people like this in the world.
This is all very mixed I have very mixed emotions about this all. We broke up when june started, but we dated for nearly a year. I don't think I'll fully get over it in any way anytime soon. I don't love her anymore, nor do I ever want to meet her again, but the part of me that knew her is just so pitiful of how she turned out. Do better. You sicken me and all of your friends who knew you, you cannot just go "oh well" or "im just a girl" or some bullshit to actual bad actions. THIS is why no one likes you and why you are so friendless. At least I have a better excuse lol whats worse being a borderline pedophile or an asocial loser
I don't even know how to end this I just needed to get this out of my head. She disgusts the ever living hell out of me I don't get how she became such a pervert she used to swear she was aroace and thats why I liked her too since I'm also on that spectrum but whatever. I need to get over it no matter how fucked up it is.. I have more to say but I don't really know how to mention it.
(later in the day, adding onto this)
I was thinking back and I don't even think I was her type. Why lie to someone for that long. Why lie to yourself that long. I don't even think she cares how much she fucked me up I don't think she feels an ounce of remorse